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Who Was the Bad Guy In Your Divorce

People get divorced for many, many reasons to include: being lied to, being abused, being cheated on, or they just "don't love you any more." If you chose this article, it's more than likely you got cheated on and it just feels awful, doesn't it? Even if you think that it was horrible, there's good news! It wasn't your fault that your spouse cheated. They are the ones who must be responsible for what they did, not you.

I'm quite confident that if you caught your mate cheating, it's highly likely he (she) shielded himself from looking "wrong". There may have been an apology, but there always seems to be rationale for the cheating. Individuals who are not faithful frequently are very selfish and self-centered. Oh, I'm quite confident they think they have great reasons why it's not their fault, and why it's yours. You weren't around enough.

You weren't affectionate enough. You didn't give them sex enough. Whatever the reason is, they can make you feel like they didn't have a choice. You weren't doing something that they wanted you to do, so it gave them permission to cheat.

Well that is absolutely incorrect. While I believe that no person is ever completely to blame, everyone is responsible for their own actions and the words that come out of their mouth. Even if you didn't have sex with your mate for many years, it's never allright to cheat. It is your spouse's responsibility as your husband to come to your first. Every person has a choice to do right or wrong and they chose to do wrong. This is where it would be healthy for you to do some reflecting.

Were there signs of infidelity that I over looked? Did I choose to ignore it? There are a million questions that you could ask yourself, but the main one that you should ask yourself is what kind of person did I marry? Probably a selfish person that you thought you could change. That is always a mistake. You can't change someone. It doesn't matter how hard you try.

If someone is inherently selfish, they probably always will be. Make this a huge learning lesson in your life. Next time you are dating and trying to get to know someone, look for similar clues. Did they commit adultery before? If they are a lot like your ex, it's probably not a good thing since you aren't married anymore. Trust your instincts.

If you can't tolerate the person as is, you change, and then move on.

Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom. As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a Success Coach and an Attorney. http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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